Wavelength
by Olivia26
Summary: PostEp Dependent. I don’t understand your sudden change of heart, Elliot. Pardon the expression, but too little, too late. What’s done is done there is no going back. Kathy's POV.
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Wavelength

AUTHOR: Liv

RATING: PG

FEEDBACK: Please?

CLASSIFICATION: Post-Ep

SPOILERS: "Dependent" S8

DISTRUBUTION STATEMENT: If anyone is so inclined to post this anywhere, let me know about it first...I promise you'll get the green light...and I'll be flattered

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters on SVU, I'm only playing with them for the time being and will return them in one piece...I promise.

I stand there for a moment, shocked at the scene unfolding before my eyes. Who knew that five little words could effect a person so much?

_I want to come home. _

A year ago, that would have been all it took to end what would turn out to be one of the most trying times of my life. Honestly, I don't think being a pregnant high school senior even held a candle to going through a separation and divorce. But now, just over a year has passed since the "official" collapse of our marriage began. A year to heal, to grow, to change. A year that has been both emotionally draining and spiritually rewarding. To hear these words now, I'm simply baffled.

"Elliot, what's going on?" I ask. "I'd heard about the investigation, but you were cleared, right?"

He sighs, then looks up at the navy blue night sky. "Yeah, I was Kath. I think it was for the best though. The whole thing made me see things so much clearer. I feel like, I've finally figured out what I've been looking for all this time; what's really important. I just wish I'd realized I'd had it the whole time. Can I come home?"

I look down to avoid his intense gaze that has just landed on me. I can't believe what I'm about to say. "It's not that simple, El, you have to know that," I start to explain, my shaky voice giving away my unease. "We're divorced. It's official now. The kids have finally started to accept it for what it is and we're going to spring this on them? How is that fair?"

"The kids will love this Kathy! It's all they whispered about for months after we separated. We can work it out. It _will_ work. I promise." His reply is said with so much conviction, I'm actually starting to believe him myself. I quickly shake that thought out of my mind and prepare myself for what needs to be said. My eyes start to fill with tears and know that I have accidently given him false hope and I hate myself for it.

"Elliot," I begin, twisting nervously at the hem of my shirt. "The kids are moving on. _I've_ moved on. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

He thinks for a moment, seemingly puzzled at my last remark. "You've moved on? Does that mean you're seeing someone? Is it serious? " He waits for an answer and when I don't give him one right away, he says my name softly.

"Yes, I'm seeing someone. Right now, it's not serious, but I can see how it might be in the future and that's a choice I'd like to make when the time comes. " I cannot believe I'm discussing dating with my ex-husband. I feel like a teenager again being grilled by my parents before the school dance.

Elliot rocks back and forth on his feet for a few seconds staring up at the stars. "Are you sure this is what you want, Kathy? You really don't want us to try to be a family again?" I can see the unshed tears in his eyes now too.

I swallow hard, trying to find my voice. Slowly, I nod my head and wrap my arms protectively around my chest. "Yeah, Elliot, this is what I want." My response is barely above a whisper. "You need to try and move on too. We both know that it was over long before we separated. I'm truly sorry it went down the way it did, but something had to be done. If you weren't going to make the first move, I had to. I didn't want to pretend anymore."

He fidgets with the zipper on his jacket while formulating his response. "I just can't believe I'm hearing this from you. You were always the one talking about how we needed to work harder on our marriage and now you're the one saying we should just let it go. Amazing…"

"You can't just decide that you want to fix our marriage when there is no marriage anymore. We're divorced, remember? We both lived through that hell and I'm not going to put myself or our children through it again. Once was enough. I don't understand your sudden change of heart, Elliot. Pardon the expression, but too little, too late. What's done is done; there is no going back. You will always be a part of my life and have a special place in my heart, but our relationship is beyond repair. I'm sorry, but I can't let you hurt me again. I won't."

The tears are now flowing freely down our faces. For two people who shared half of a lifetime together, I can't help but think we really don't know each other all that well. How is it possible to be on two totally different wavelengths when we're supposed to be completely in sync?

"If that's how you feel, Kathy. I guess this is settled. I was hoping for a much different response though," he says sadly.

"It was settled the day the papers were drawn up, Elliot. You just haven't realized it yet. I will always love you. I need you to know that." With that, I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him. We stay that way for a few moments, then he leans down and kisses me on the cheek.

"I love you too, Kathy. Kiss the kids goodnight for me."

He turns and gets in his car and I suddenly feel a chill without his arms around me. Deep down, I know I've done the right thing and unfortunately, doing the right thing (in this case) hurts.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I originally intended this to be a one-shot, but I couldn't get this out of my head. I'm still on the fence about how it came out, but here goes nothing...

I get back in my car still reeling from what has just transpired. She's moved on? There's a new man in the picture? Somehow, it just doesn't feel right, but I guess it's not really my place to comment on it anymore. That much was just made perfectly clear to me. When I think about it, I really shouldn't be surprised that Kathy has found someone else. After all, she is an attractive woman with a great personality. It was bound to happen eventually, but I'd figured it wouldn't have been so soon.

Defeated, I direct my car back toward my lonely apartment after momentarily considering going back to the station. At least then, I wouldn't be totally alone. There's always paperwork waiting for me there to keep me company. At this time of night, the drive is relatively short and I manage to make it "home" in better time than normal; a fact that I'm not comforted by. All that means tonight is a few more minutes for me to consider what just occurred. I pull up the emergency brake and shift the car into park. My hands find their way into my hair and I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding. I find myself wondering what I'm supposed to do now that my plans have gone so totally awry. Suddenly, the answer pops into my head: coffee. Not that crap Munch makes either. Good coffee. Pleased with myself, a small smile finds its way to my lips, then fades almost as quickly as it appears. This is not the time to be smiling, regardless of the reason behind it.

I get out of the car and shove my hands deep in my pockets, trying to find a way to keep warm. It feels like snow is in the air tonight and of course, I left my gloves at the station. Perfect. The walk to the coffee shop is already a short one, but goes by even faster because of the rapidly dropping temperature. As I reach for the handle of the door, it flies open, knocking me off balance. I manage to catch myself before falling and start lashing into the patron on the other side. "Do you think you could manage to watch where you are going next time?!"

"I'm sorry, sir! I was in a rush to get back to work." As soon as the words leave her mouth, I know who is standing in front of me.

"Olivia?"

She blinks for a moment, trying to get her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting outside the shop.

"El? What are you doing here? I thought you went home hours ago," she says as she smoothes her hair.

"Needed a fix," I explain with a shrug. "Why don't we go inside? It's freezing out here."

I pull the door open and gesture for her to enter the coffee shop. Once inside, I rub my hands together, desperately trying to generate some heat between them. "Why don't you get a table while I get myself some caffeine, Liv?"

She nods and does as asked, finding a small booth by the window. A perky clerk whose nametag reads, "Hailey" takes my order and assures me it will be ready in no time. A few minutes pass before Hailey signals me that my drink is ready. I retrieve it from the high bar and make my way toward Olivia. I slide into the booth opposite her and unzip my jacket.

"Sir?" I ask with a smirk. "That's one I've never heard you call me before, Liv. Kinda sexy though."

She almost chokes on her coffee, then retorts, "Well, I wouldn't get used to it. Had I known it was you on the other side of that door, I would have offered to kick your ass instead."

"No surprise there. Seriously though, what are you still doing at work? Don't you know the meaning of 'quitting time'?"

"Very funny, Elliot. Paperwork is what I was doing, Dad," she explains as she traces the top of her coffee cup with her pointer finger.

"I knew you could never stick with the Chai tea bullshit you were drinking. Nice to see some things are getting back to normal."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I still have a job and a coffee-drinking partner that's got my back. That's a start," I explain.

A comfortable silence falls between us and we enjoy the remnants of our drinks. Olivia finally breaks the quiet. "Are you all right, Elliot? You've just been on quite a roller coaster ride."

"I was doing fine until I went to the house tonight to talk to Kathy," I begin to explain. "I've been doing a lot of thinking with everything that's been going on. You know, questioning my priorities and decided I wanted to give it another try with her. I felt like I owed it to her--to us--since I really didn't give it that much of an effort before, you know?"

She nods slowly in understanding. "What happened? Did you two have a fight?"

I take a moment to collect my thoughts, then continue. "I was so happy on the way over there tonight. It felt like, for the first time in a long time, I knew exactly what I wanted. When I got there, we talked for a few minutes; I told her how I was feeling and asked if I could come home. I was so sure of her answer, Liv, so goddamn sure--but she throws a real curveball at me. She says she and the kids have moved on and that it's my turn to do the same. Here I was asking her for another chance and she's telling me that there's no hope. It just seems so fucking backwards."

I put my head in my hands and hide my face, suddenly ashamed of the emotion that I am showing to my partner. I'm not supposed to fall apart like this, not in public and certainly not in front of her. I'm not sure this night can get much worse.

Olivia reaches out and pulls my hands from my face, enclosing one between her hers. "I'm sorry, El. I wish it would have worked out like you'd hoped. But hey, maybe in time, you'll see the situation with new eyes. You want Kathy to be happy right?"

"Yeah," I respond with a nod. "But I was hoping I would be the one to make her happy, not some new guy."

"You never know, she might find out that it is you that makes her happy; she might not. Right now, what you need to concentrate on is you. Find out what makes you happy for a change. You've spent the majority of your life doing things for everyone else first and yourself last. Now you have the chance to see what it's like on the other side. Does being alone suck sometimes? Absolutely. Are you ever really alone though? Never. There are a ton of people who are always there for you, whether or not they're physically by your side. You know you can call me any time, day or night. And as scary as the thought might be, the same goes for Munch and Fin, too."

"I know that, but tonight, I was hoping to put my family back together. I never wanted this for them."

"Elliot," Olivia says as the tugs my hand, indicating I should look at her. "Listen to me: no one gets married with the hope of getting a divorce some day. Your kids know that. They understand that the situation is hard on everybody. Don't you think that it's best for them not to have to go through it twice? With all the crazy stuff going on recently, maybe that's what Kathy was thinking too. Give it some time and if you still feel the same way, talk to her again. What could it hurt? Don't make a rash decision based on what's been going on recently."

I take a moment to collect my thoughts before answering her. "You know, Kathy said something along those same lines: 'not wanting to go through it twice'. What makes her think that history would repeat itself? Don't I deserve better than that?!"

"Yes, El, you do. And for that matter, so does she. Think about that and everything that's been said tonight. After you've done that, you've got a tough decision to make. If she's what you really want, you have to fight for her. If not, I'm sure you'll find someone else to love. Don't get me wrong; it will take time, but it will happen."

She squeezes my hand and rises from the table. "I meant what I said before; I have to get back to work. That paperwork isn't going to finish itself."

I rise from the table, her hand still in mine from before and pull her toward me. I wrap my arms around her and feel her stiffen for second before reciprocating the gesture. We stay that way for a few seconds, then break apart. "Thanks, Liv."

"You're welcome," she says as she zippers her coat and wraps her scarf around her neck. "If you're up to it, I sure could use some help with that paperwork...after all, it is from our cases."

"Yeah," I say with a laugh. "You've got it."

We leave the coffee shop and I can't help but feel that despite everything that went wrong today and in the last few days, better days are on the horizon. I can't help but smile as I see the tiny snowflakes starting to fall from the dark sky on our way back to the precinct. It makes me certain that change is in the air; and reminds me that not all change is bad.


End file.
